There are many articles telling you how to catch a cheater. However, there are very few articles telling you what to do once you’ve caught them. Of course, the typical thing would be to just end the relationship and move on, but where’s the fun in that? Just because your heart’s broken doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun before telling them to get lost. So here they are; 10 genius, nasty, evil and fun ways to take revenge on a cheating partner.
If you’re a female and on your period, this is the perfect opportunity to cook your partner homemade spaghetti bolognese and mix your period blood into the tomato sauce.
If you have hard/cracked skin on your heels, you can also use a cheese grater on your heels and mix the hard, dead skin with the parmesan you put on top of the tomato sauce.
Dip their toothbrush in toilet water, or even better: pee on it.
If you found out about the cheating by finding a used condom, your partner probably has more condoms laying around somewhere. Find them and poke holes in them using a pin.
Rub the condoms in with chili or rosehip seeds. Chili will cause pain, while rosehip will cause intense itching. Either way, you certainly wouldn’t want either of them anywhere near your genitals.
If your partner is cheating through social media with someone they’ve never met in real life, and who happens to live far away, you definitely want to find that persons full name and home address. While your partner is at work, pack all their belongings into bags and boxes, take them to your local post office and have everything sent to the person’s address. If that person happens to live in another country, it’s even better.
Buy a spy camera. Hide it somewhere around the house (like the bedroom) and get your partners affair on camera. Once you have a sex tape, make a copy of it and put it on an empty CD or USB drive. Write something vague like “Play me” or “I know your secret” on it, go to the post office and mail it to your partner anonymously. Next week, you send your partner a picture of the two of them doing it. The week after, a pic of their car and license plate. Watch your partner become more and more paranoid and stressed out knowing their secret isn’t safe anymore. How long will it take before they break down and confess? (Keep in mind that blackmailing is a crime, so in order for this whole thing not to backfire, you must never threat or demand money from them).
Sell their stuff on eBay.
Shrink all of their clothes in the washing machine. All of them. When your partner complains about the fact that nothing fits anymore, tell them that you actually have noticed them gaining a little weight lately. This works best if your partner is a female. It won’t take long before the pregnancy paranoia kicks in. For added effect: avoid having sex with them for at least a month prior to shrinking their clothes, so they know that if they happen to be pregnant, it’s probably not yours.
Feed them laxatives. Yes, it’s shitty, but so is your partner.
If you like this blog post, share it with your friends. You could also share it with your cheating (ex) partner and tell them you’ve done one (but not which) of the things on this list and have them spend the rest of their life wondering 😉.